This week has seemed a bit of a strange one. I feel so disconnected with the real world, I feel like I don't know where to turn or what to do with my life. I have worked for my company for the best part of nearly 11 years, and they have been such a great company to work for. they were supportive when I had Tilly and they are great for working parents, but i am feeling more and more that I am not being challenged at work. I feel like I do the same thing over and over again when i a there. I need something to challenge me, I need to get my brain working. Maybe that's it, I feel brain dead at work.
I hate feeling like this and I felt like it 3 years ago when I was working at another store, I felt that every time I went to work, a part of me was dying. A part of me was so bored and because the company had been so good to me, I stuck with it, maybe out of loyalty. That is how I feel now and I feel that maybe it is time to get a different job, I need to try something different, I need something that works better with my daughter who seems to be needing a lot of attention at the moment. My daughter who got me into a bit of bother this week at school because she told her problems to a little girl at school and the parent then emailed in and bought it up with the teacher. the thing is, as shocking as things can be to other people, this is our reality and the truth is that my daughter probably knows more than a 6 year old should do. But its life, and its her life, It made me realise that maybe now is the time to be giving up my job to look after my daughter more. If I am bored anyway, I feel like I might as well just do it. There is no further for me to go in my job, I was hoping for a chance to study for a fragrance diploma as part of work, But that didn't happen and I don't feel like I can give anymore to my place of work than I already have.
So here I am sitting with some application forms for jobs at the school ranging from TA's to dinner ladies. It would work well with the summer holidays and I would maybe feel part of the school. I feel like there is a fork in the road, and I don't know what road to take. i did register as self employed last week. I don't earn enough money to pay tax, but you never know!
So here I am looking for a new job, I will miss the staff at work, but i won't miss the 2 hour commute each way to get there and back. I will miss the generous staff discount, but I won't miss the feeling that I am having right now. Who knows what path I will decide to take, but whichever one it is, it has to be the best one for my family.